aKA “the Big Zipper”
You get it. Or, at least you got it. That moment of bliss, where everything dissolved into the nothing it always is. That “moment” might have lasted five years, five days or five seconds. Doesn’t matter. It felt like forever. But it didn’t persist. Or, you can’t maintain it. Because if it were permanent, you wouldn’t be reading this.
You don’t get it. At least, not right in this moment of drudgery. Not with a pile of chores to be tackled. Not with a difficult partner (or ex). Not with too many demands on your time. Not with bills to pay, health issues to deal with, and enlightenment to be found. This moment might come and go, or be the routine background of life. Doesn’t really matter. When you’re in it, you’re in it. And you don’t like the feeling. That’s probably why you’re reading this.
Bliss is often equated with flow. But it isn’t the same. If bliss and flow come together, that state can last a lifetime and beyond. Bliss without flow feels easy, yet isn’t functional. Bliss without flow means you absorb all the punches, without feeling them. At a certain point, the bruising is too much to be ignored, and bliss disappears over the hill like a rabbit with its arse on fire (no animals were hurt in the making of this article). And you want it back. Bliss was nice.
Drudgery is often equated with the absence of flow. Hard or menial work. Grass roots stuff. Down in the dirt stuff. Making ends meet stuff. Working to live, not living to work. You feel all the punches. But you fail to notice most of them are self-administered. And you want out. Bliss seems like a good target.
Whichever way around, you’re wanting freedom, but looking for bliss. Which makes those social media adverts for escaping the nine-to-five or for permanent perfection all too tempting. The thing they fail to point out is you can’t escape yourself. You can go to paradise, and if you go with the beliefs you have now, you’ll still not be blissful.
Here comes the Big Zipper: The knitting together of the everyday with the eternal. The recognition of the “I am” as the place where they meet. As what draws them together in experience. For in reality, they were never apart.
We know it’s all Awareness, right? (Or Source, or Consciousness, or Big Mind…) And maybe we’ve been using that as a mantra, to try to grasp the dissolving mists of bliss, or as an attempt to escape the mundanity of life.
Maybe it’s time for a new model. Founded on the knowing it’s all Awareness, but not staying there. Because, if Awareness seems to be “there”, then it is not yet the fully embodied, fully lived, experience. The following might help. Though, if you don’t have at least clear sight of Awareness of the essence of all experience, you might want to start with that.
The basic model:
- Awareness. Essence of all apparent things. What is known, in the absence of all apparent things. Perfect, complete, without lack, need, disturbance or strife. The epitome of love, freedom and joy.
|| - Life. Physical and psychological. Body and mind. Preferences, memories, skills, talents, limitations.
Now those that are used to me might already have the questions:
- If Awareness is all, why would it need the absence of anything to be known?
- If life is an appearance of Awareness, why can’t I jump out of this upstairs window without breaking my body?
- If I’m Awareness, why does life hurt so much?
And if we’ve learnt about Awareness from a skilled teacher like Rupert Spira, we may have become so immersed in his videos, books and retreats that we forget the man. He’s a husband, a father, an artist. And though he talks about Awareness with clarity, depth and love, the chances are that most of the time he’s simply living it. And, deep down, that’s the freedom we all yearn for.
The extended model:
- Awareness
|| - “I am”
|| - Life
“I am”. The impossible meeting point of time and eternity, of space and infinity, of matter and pure, unbounded nothing.
“I am”. The higher self, the soul. The personality.
“I am”. The last point at which I can know a “you” and a “me”.
“I am”. The first point at which I can know Awareness without definition.
Now, we start to understand flow. Flow as the knowing of Awareness, and the knowing of Awareness as all things. Flow as the staring at a bee on the lavender, doing the washing up, getting kids to bed, or creating art. Flow as I teach, write, make videos or read cards. Flow even as I curl up in a ball like a hedgehog, to cry out the hurt. Flow as I clear my heart of past wounds, and flow as I move from fear to loving protection. Flow as I find my feet on the earth and make myself at home, even though it sometimes seems alien to me. Flow as I soften and allow a clearer expression of my own self to percolate into this life. Flow which transcends bliss and drudgery, recognising both as the impostors they are.
TL;DR: I am that which makes the impossible possible, I am the big zipper, which knits together the experience of life and of Awareness into the one they always are.
This is the eternal dance of the impossible moment. And I am that dance.
Dance with me?
With Love,
Sara
