“I know it’s all Awareness/nothingness/God/not separate, but… ” If I had a penny for every time I’ve heard a variation of this… well I’d have a big pile of pennies. Thing is the “but… ” refutes the “I know”. It doesn’t refute the knowing, it refutes the clarity of seeing and expression of that knowing.
Somewhere along the line we were sold the lie that an enlightened personality would show up a certain way: peaceful, flowing, unattached but deeply emotional. And this has, not surprisingly led to some odd behaviour from people who want to be enlightened, who think they are enlightened or just want to be seen as enlightened.
Ah, don’t humans love the idea of control? The suggestion that by personal effort we can win at life? The claiming of mastery over certain actions, feelings and thoughts (but not others) as a way to make us safe in the world? The recruiting of others to our faith, so that we feel secure? The need to proclaim a “meant to be”, a silver lining, or the possession of a secret?
It’s all distancing us from life. Distancing us from engaging, Distancing us from showing up fully as who we are. Distancing us from actually feeling all of it.
You are not addicted to drugs, alcohol, porn, sex, control, exercise, food, affection, being looked after, doing the looking after, work, holidays, shopping or admiration.
If anything you are addicted to the sense of lack. To the cycle of pleasure and pain, elation and despair.
But it might be more appropriate to say that sense of lack is addicted to you.